I am a person who likes to write everything down. I write out my thoughts and quite literally put pen to paper. I plan my days and my months and just think I have control of this thing called life. Control because I have it neatly written down in my beautiful Happy Planner. My planner sincerely makes me happy, but it has also become a reminder of how little control I actually have and that even though I have it written down in a non erase-able pen, my plans can easily be re-written.
I started working in my planner in January of this year. Which is by far the most beautiful planner I have ever owned, and I get to make it my own. It was one thing that during the height of my illness, brought me calm and joy. My mom and I would sit down and just decorate, plan and laugh together. I think truly, my planner was the one thing I knew I had control over. Because, in all honesty, I had no control over anything else in my life (including my body). I had control over the way I made the pages look, my doctors appointments that I so neatly wrote and my to-do lists. However, I was gently reminded that time is not mine to control. That I can plan my days down to the minute and yet it can all end up so differently than I envisioned.
I’ve learned that my idea of control is so small in comparison to God’s big plan. He has taught me that if something isn’t working out according to my plan that He is moving in a different way than I could ever imagine. This year of 2020 has been the poster child for the year of change and unpredictability for everyone. Weddings, school, surgeries… all of things we thought we had planned completely changed.
You see, I had all of these plans for my family and myself prior to getting sick. I had planned on building my career, on working harder and longer daily to get to the next level. I had planned on being the mom who went above and beyond. I had planned on being the wife that made it to all of the games and cheered on my husband and his team. I had set all of these goals..and then I got sick.
Do I believe God gave me this illness? No. But I do believe that His promise rings true and that He has worked it all for His good. He has moved in our lives in the biggest ways that I still can’t even fathom. So, my advice to you, get yourself a Happy Planner, because getting to decorate it will become an obsession. The pages are beautiful and truly give me joy. BUT, remember that time is not yours to control. It is not yours and never will be. With that being said, don’t be afraid to decorate your planner, just because your plans might change. Go all in and also be ready for the challenge of the unpredictable. Be fluid and comfortable with change, no matter what it looks like in your life. Trust in God and His plan. Even when it doesn’t look like the plan you had written down for yourself.
Trust me friends, He has you. He has your heart and His plans are so much better for you than your own. Believe that. It took me a while to get there, but now I know. I am a living testimony to how courageously and beautifully He moves.
Happy Friday and Create The Happy!